When Christmas Doesn’t Feel Joyous

I know for some of you Christmas didn’t feel joyous. Christmas can be heart-wrenching, a get-through-it holiday that you can’t wait to see end. When we see people around us happy and laughing while our hearts are breaking, our hurt magnifies. I felt this way for years. Our first baby was due around Christmas, but we had a miscarriage at 15 weeks. For 8 years Christmas did not feel joyous. I thought after our other children were born that would change. I didn’t hate Christmas. I didn’t wish it away either, but during those years I didn’t really enjoy the holiday as I wished I could. 

This changed in 2012 when I ended up in the hospital 3 days before Christmas with emergency surgery to remove a tumor in my intestines. Scary stuff… That Christmas I experienced Immanuel, God with us, as never before. In the process God healed my heart deeply. I still think about our baby and miss him or her at Christmas, but my joy for the season has returned. I know for some the joy may never fully return, and that is okay. Be okay with your grief during the holidays if that is where your heart is. 
Whether you feel it or not Immanuel is still there. 

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…
And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.
John 1:1 & 14

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